I love Nutflix! The streaming's great, because I like weird old 60's, 70's, and 80's movies. The disc is great, because once in a while, a mainstream American movie catches my fancy, and I want to see it. But not in the theater. Oh, and there's some stuff that's so weird, it's not even on streaming.
Who cares?! Anyway, as a fun fart project, I've started drawing what I thought about the movies on the Nutflix labels. And here's what I saw last year!
Battle: Los Angeles.
Total piece of shit. Starts as a Marine enlisting advertisement, turns into an ultraloud, super-generic and poorly acted alien turd. I was sure this movie was made for the hard of hearing, because it's literally 80% just people YELLING AT EACH OTHER!!!
Now here's a great movie about aliens and super beardy astronauts! I think it's John Carpenters first movie, and it's a doozy! Crazy hippy looking dudes on a space ship with a insane bouncing ball monster attacking them, and a talking "smart" bomb that really wants to blow everybody up. I love it!
Holy shit, this movie's a stinker! And I love bad movies! But this is just wrong in every way. Stories a mess, characters suck, action's silly and it's just plain ugly. The amazing part is, the book is a simple dime-store fantasy pulp novel that should have been the easiest thing in the world to adapt. Haha, Hollywood.
The Blob (original) is some wacky ass shit! And it was Steve McQueen's first movie. One of the first thing you'll notice is how bad the acting is. Even for an old school monster movie. But the Blob itself is pretty cool and freaky, and Steve has amazing presence, and the story's pretty neat, so the end result is a movie well worth watching. Of course, I'm sure part of the film's success was the hit theme song written by the great Burt Bacarach! You can hear it here.
The infamous sequel to The Rocky Horror Picture show. What's that? You didn't know it had a sequel? That's because this movie is so fucking bad, no one knows about it! And the few that do watch it once and go YIKES. I do have some friends who like it, but I don't need to see it again. It it about 20 crazier than Rocky, but the songs just aren't there. That being said, it stars one of my favorie actresses, Jessica Harper! (Phantom of the Paradise, Suspiria). And strangely enough, she's one of my freinds cousin. Small werld!
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
This was made during the "Rise of the Whatever" movie titles that plagued American cinema for years. Rise of the Machines, Silver Surfer, Planet of the Apes etc. I don't understand why people liked this movie so much. I thought it was a piece of shit, but guess it's better than the Tim Burton one. Is that really saying much?
Rock 'n Roll Nightmare
This movie I do remember! A super buttrocker named Thor made this movie, and neither my description or turrible drawring could do it justice. You should just watch this!
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy
Hey, I watch smarte people movies too! Although I rarely understand them. Neat movie! Falls in that rare category of being slow, but not boring. If your'e smarte. If you're dumbe, skip it entirely!
Hee hee! This was FUN! A masterpiece by filth auteur John Waters. Skinny crazy white lady and her super fat black nurse go to a town of lunatics called Mortville. And fucked up stuff happens. Lots of fucked up stuff! The commentary's great too! John Waters comes across like a guy you'd really wanna hang out with!
The Raid should be required viewing by any asshole director in America who thinks they know a fucking thing about an action movie. This is it, the best action movie made in the world. Ever. Well, mabye not ever, but I've seen about a zillion action flick and nothing is on its level. WATCH IT!
Damn Nutflix started putting movie advertisements on their envelopes threatening my career as a the most important Nutflix envelop artist in America. But I see it as a challenge, can I use their advert as part of my art? Can I? As for Sleepaway Camp, it's a rock-solid slasher flick from the 80's. Very fun to watch!
Saw this as a kid an loved it. Especially the robutt effects, which I thought were excellent at the time. Believe it or not, it still holds up! It's a far better movie than it deserves to be, and the stop-motion effects still look great to this day. I recommend this movie!
Until Nutflix calls me and says, Yo, stop drawing on our fucking envelopes, I'll keep doing it! Truthfully, I don't even think they know. The postman may get an eyeful! And maybe he'll watch Sleepaway Camp!