The Slobbit: The Butthole of the Five Armies! a.k.a. Peter Jackon's lost his fucking mind. Features a SUPER BIG toy orgy!
I try not to get political because when it comes down to it, it's usually just a bunch of morans yelling at other morans. But getting killed for drawing a crappy comic is ri-goddamn-diculous. So here is my big political response to 12 people getting killed for nothing. Behold, my Mohammad comic!
Take this, terrorists!
Every year a few friends and I get together and draw themed Christmas cards for fun. This year, not that many people showed up, but we still got a few decent ones. And here they are.
The first theme was "Bill Cosby Christmas." I was pretty drunk when I showed up, so I don't really know what the heck I was thinking when I drew this Bill Cosby rape shrimp thing.
My friend was totally sober when he drew this.
This was clearly the winner of the three.
This theme was "Charlie Brown's Last Christmas." I thought the only time Charlie Brown would really be happy was when he was blowing his brains out.
This one is kinda cute and depressing. Like the show.
I think this one is the best. And most depressing, which fits for Charlie.
I think this is theme is "Drunk Snowman"
Not quite sure what's happening here.
This one is pretty obvious.
Not sure of the theme here, I think it was "What your dog shit out after Christmas."
The winner of the bunch. Haha, the dog ate and shit out an entire train!
I believe this is a "George Lucas Christmas." LOL
This is my super drunk entry. I think those are supposed to be Jar Jar eyes. I dunno.
The theme here was "Michael Jackson's Last Christmas."
This one was a clear winner.
This is "Why Santa Got Arrested." This isn't actually illegal unless you do it ion public, then you can get arrested. I found that out the hard way.
This theme was "Elf I'd Like to Fuck." Sort of like "MILF," but "EILF" My entry, kinda obvious.
A more normal entry.
Another entry. I do like the attempt at writing Elvish.
And this is obviously the winner. I think the body is actually a vagina.
My entry. I spent a lot of time on this one, I wanted it to be just right.
This was "Candy Cane Pimp." I think a pimp might actually wear a candy cane outfit. Probably look pretty cool.
I wish they made candy canes with tits. Id' buy more.
This is the best drawn one, I think.
But this is my favorite. Especially the sword!
Merry Christmas, y'all!
I like to go drunk book shopping and on one trip I found this amazing book called Basic Tennis. It's a book that shows you the tennis basics with a naked lady. Text on the cover says it all. The book "strips the game down" and shows you with "action photos."
Like she's srsly nakeds.
She does have her shoes, so she technically meets this requirement.
The Grip is important when looking at naked ladies.
I like that two guys are watching her like it's totally normal.
"have your partner toss balls at you, slowly at first."
This requires agility, timing and nudity.
She has a realistic butt. Not like the TV butts you see nowadays.
Dress becomingly, but don't be so spetacular you disconcert your partner as well as opponents.
And whatever you do--DON'T PLAY YOUR BEST AGAINST MEN. They hate to lose.
Onlookers should refrain from disturbing players. Like climbing a fence because you saw a naked lady is not acceptable.
Lace ruffles can add appeal to your outfit. I think the book is having a bit of fun with us here.
And that's Basic Tennis! The book actually does teach you basic tennis. There's tons more tips I didn't include. I think all teaching should be done with a naked lady as an example. I think more people would pay attention.
One of my many pointless hobbies is to draw comics on the Netflix envelopes of the movies I rent. I don't know why I do it, but I do! And so here are the latest ones.
Boy if you ever get a chance to see this movie, I recommend it. It's a ridiculous super gross perverted torture film from the 70s. Lots of great performances, tons of nudity, and a lot of body parts being cut off. However, there isn't actually any bloodsucking in it. But a deranged dentist does stick a straw in a woman's brain and sucks on that. Oh, and they use a woman's butt as a dartboard!
Yes, even I succumb to the wonders of Frozen! Actually, I just wanted to know what all the fucking hubbub was about and now I know. A couple of decent songs, and a movie that variates ever-so-slightly from the usual Disney forumla. Which is enough to send the world in an tizzy, I guess.
Halloween has aged wonderfully! And I completely understand why it's remained a staple of horror films. It's a slasher film with style. And it has enough tension and freaky moments to still pack a wallop. Oh, and half the movie Donald Pleasance hides in the bushes.
Also still great! And it picks up directly after the first one ends. But Donald Pleasance does not hide in the bushes in this one. He does, however, cause a innocent teen to be smashed by an van and burn to a crisp. Nobody's perfect!
Heaven is For Real
I have not watched this movie. It was an ad on the envelope. My guess is a kid died, had one hell of a hallucination, and idiots think it was real.
Another misleading title! There is not blood drinking in this movie! However, a little kid injects rabies into meat pies, then gives them to a satanic cult of hippies. And you can guess what happens after that—entertainment! Apparently, this used to show in drive-ins as a double bill with "I Eat You Skin."
The David Lynch Dune is my favorite movie of all time. I've seen it at least 50 times and love every minute of it. Of course, I'm well aware it's a complete disaster, but it's a mind-fucking-boggling disaster. That being said, I would have loved to see Jodorowsky's Dune as well! He gathered the ultimate team of insane artists that would have made the crazy movie to end all crazy movies. But unfortunately, as usual, Hollywood didn't have the balls or insight to fund the movie. Still a really neat doc.
Where's this movie been all my life? Anthony Hopkins as a ventriloquist with a serious attachment to his dummy. Like, deadly serious. Also stars Bergis Meredith has an old school New York talent agent. A wonderful piece of film.
I was pleasantly surprised to find out Monster Squad is just as good as I remember it from my childhood. In fact, better because my adult brain can appreciate much more of the film and filmaking techniques. Fun script, great set up and a solid delivery. And the "wolf man has nards" is still funny. Will probably still be funny 100 years from now.
I don't know how I missed this movie growing up. I was probably "too cool" in high school to actually watch it. My loss, because it's fucking awesome! Like "Awesome" in the totally awesome 80's sense of the word. In most movies, Hulk Hogan's massive presence and wrestler acting dominate every scene, but Christopher Lloyd's specific brand of crazy-acting not only matches the Hulks, but even outshines him at times. I liked this movie so much, I will probably buy it on DVD at some point.
Vanya on 42nd Street
I have about two smart friends. And sometimes they'll convince me to watch a smart movie. And Vanya on 42nd Street is a smart movie. It's a movie about a troop of actors preforming a Russian play in an old rundown theater. And it stars the "inconcievable" guy as well as Punky Brewster's dad. For a smart movie, it was pretty good. And I like Russian stories, they're always filled with drunk depressed characters who yell at each other a lot.
I realize NYCC was in October, but I got all wrapped up in Hollweener, so could not finish putting up pics. And now I can!
I met this cool dude at Star Trek show that had all the members of Star Trek the Next Generation on it AND was hosted by William Shatner!
It was literally the funniest thing I've ever seen. William Shatner was a fucking genius. The smoothest and funniest host I've ever seen of anything. I already loved him, but my respect for him went up 1,000 fold. Totally amazing guy.
Meanwhile, the next day back at NYCC, I met the greatest crossoever group ever! Batman, Gi-Joe and Streetfighter!!! Michael Bay! Make it happen!
He was a pretty good con buddy, actually. Even though occasionally things did get a "little weird."
There were more Dr. Stranges than I ususally see at cons. And some really good ones.
I even found a Cody from Street Fighter! I never see Codys! Props to this guy!
Also found this fucking fantastic Sam Tarly. I think this guy is even better than the actor they picked.
Like I said, definitely one of my best con buddies. So photogenic!
I thought Spock really liked the baby.
But it turns out he did not.
Naturally Kirk was forced to take the appropriate disciplinary action.
Nice-looking Super Boy. Smooth dude.
Finally Colin Baker got a decent companion! (sorry Peri!)
Epic Kingpin! Not sure if he ever fought the Flash, though.
Trying to settle the debate, once and for all.
I think deep down, even the Hulk likes Spock.
Thanos and Death is a great combo!
I was so happy, I broke character and smiled like an idiot!
Thoughtful reflection after the con.
All in all, this was one of my all time favorite cons. Wish more of my usual con friends were there, but I am one of those rare birds that has no problem getting drunk by myself and running around like an idiot.
Here's a brand new Dicko's Evil Movie Reviews Halloween Special! We hit the street to find out if ghosts are real by asking drunk people and bums. We also have three super spooky suggestions for great Halloween movies on Netflix! Enjoy!