Hey, I went to Anime Sexpo! Can't really say I rocked the show, but I had a decent time and snapped some pics. Here's what happened.
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This was my favorite cosplayer there!
I don't know that the heck this guy is. He looks super familiar from my childhood, but I can't place him.
This was a "Steam Punk" Chewbacca. I hate Steam Punk in general, and am completely over Star Wars so this guy was doubly distasteful to me. Plus, he looks nothing like Chewbacca!
I managed to find a pretty neat Chuck Norris figure from Chuck Norris's Chuck Norris and His Karate Kommandos starring Chuck Norris!
With Chuck Norris!
And Chuck Norris!
Also starring Chuck Norris!
The con takes place over the 4th of July weekend, so I went in my usual cosplay as "Just Your Average American." (that's me on left)
Met this magnificent specimen on the floor. If you got it, flaunt it!
There were a couple of cool super heroes around.
Including Super Chucky! I fucking love ghetto Chucky shirts, but a fat dude wearing one making Chucky's face look at 3D is too good to be true!
A lot of people might think this guy is fucked up for wearing a Japanese WW2 Naval Officer's uniform as cosplay on the Fourth of July. Or that it is unAmerican. But it's not. This IS American. America's about freedom, even the freedom to dress like this. Although, I wouldn't suggest walking around Texas in this outfit on the Fourth of July.
I also bought a cheap "Battle-damaged Riker" action figure! Battle-damaged? Or just a hot date? Heh-heh. He's was really pose-able!
Way more pose-able than the actual Riker, played by the incredibly stiff Jonathan Frakes! (To be fair, he does actually have a neck problem, which is why he is so incredibly stiff. I think he got it from craning his neck to see down Deanna Troi's cleavage. That made him incredibly stiff it two ways, actually).
I'd say I got my 7 dollars worth. Now go wash your eyes.
At the very end of the con, I decided to disguise myself as an "otaku." How'd I do?
The disguise fooled the showgoers, but not a single one of my friends. Which disappointed me. Made for some good pics though.
BTW -- If I drink too much, stay up super late and listen to loud rap music, this happens to me.
And then I turn into the guy from MythBusters.
The next hungover day, I stumbled into a "Scentaporium" which is a shop that sells special candles, body washes and perfumes to give you magic powers. This one, "Pusanga" gets you LAID!!!
This one gets you MOOONNNAAAAYYYY!!!!
Although these look like buttplugs, they're not. They're special candles that do all manner of things, like "Stop bothersome people." I'm assuming it really means, "Stop bothersome people from trying to put things in your butt."
And these are not dildos. Well, you could probably use them as such, but it might interfere with the spell.
I don't know what the fuck this protects you from. Kidnapping? Rape? I probably should have bought some.
Body wash to protect you from rich security guards.
The last stop was the world-famous Venice Beach. I'm a big fan of Venice Beach. It's my kind of shady, cheesy, and often creepy tourist trap.
This was a drawing I did for a friend who claimed a show about his life would be "balls out" weird.
And this is from my hood when I finally got home. It's in the storefront of a funky Chinese dress shop. Gawd Bless America!
Hey, I went to Gay? Pride 2014. And annual Man Francisco celebration of gay stuff. Well, not so much anymore, because it was infested by armies of obnoxious empty-headed glitter-covered rainbow-bright party girls. Straight college girls. And bros! I actually saw a ton of bros, bro-ing it up. I'm pretty sure 80% of these kids could give a fuck about gay rights or the gay movement, they just hear party, and come running. I guess this is the sad price that must be paid for mainstream acceptance.
Still, it's not like they don't have a zillion of their own events to go to. You think maybe one or two would be like, "Oh, hay, this is a gay thing for gays to celebrate, maybe we should sit this one out and let them have their day." But no, they don't, they put on their terrible party gear, swagger up, and come in droves. And I see less of the old queens, fabulous costumes and crazy-looking naked guys.
Like this guy. This guy is why I go to Gay Pride!
And this lady!
I'm here for this!
I sure as fuck didn't come for this.
Of course, I don't know these girls. Mabye they're all lesbos, and that would be fine. But the 1 zillion other college idiots I saw were not. They were just there to party. Don't matter what the event, could be Hitler's Birthday, and if the party was big enough, they'd be there with funny mustaches on. If they must come, they could at least wear something slightly interesting. Like this.
And I'm not against straights! I don't care if you're straight, I just think you should let people who want to celebrate their thing do it. For instance, being a dorky white guy, I wouldn't go to giant black biker meet up. Well, I did once by accident, and they pretty much told me where to go, and I did. It wasn't my thing. Just like Gay Pride isn't straight college party girl and dumb party bros thing. They have Bay to Breakers, a million music fests, How Weird Fair, and other stuff to go to. Is it too much to ask that they give the gays their day and stay away?
Mabye I'm getting old...getting grumpy. Do I look grumpy? Or maybe I'm right...
Anyway, each year I go less and I would imagine next year, I'll trim even more off. It's too bad, though. It used to be a fun party, now it's just a "party." Speaking of partying, these guys next to me at the Pink Party were an partying. I saw some stuff that'll stay with me for a long, long, long time.
Anyway, I'm sure next year will be worse.
Here's what happened!
Acutally, this is the day before I went. I had my Japanese final and me and my friend went to Japantown and acted like super white guys.
This is what I wore to class. The teacher loved it! The headband says "Victory." Well, I hope. For all I know it could say "Chicken Fucker." But my teacher didn't say anything, so I'm assuming it does not say "Chicken Fucker."
This was a sexy lingere in Japantown. I think it's for a new anime called "Sailor Poon."
And this is from one of my favorite scenes from the 80's video game sex teen comedy, Joysticks. According to the DVD commentary, the director had to do the scene over 50 times to get the hotdog to land just right.
This was parked out front of E3. I've seen a lot of crummy PR jobbers before, and this isn't half bad. Nice looking bus, and great gross vagina-mouthed mutant on front.
There were a lot of cool dudes inside the con.
Including this portly pal who was chasing people around on the floor trying to scare them. He even made a video about it.
Later that night, I saw a huge cockroach. He was also chasing people around the floor trying to scare them.
I met DJ Cutman! He's a famous chiptune composer. Chiptunes are a bunch of beeps and boops that DJs like him turn into music. He was a very nice young man. It's cool how the arm on the right side looks like a gross mutant arm. It's actually my fingers, just super close.
Later that day, I met a neat man in Little Tokyo.
Then we got drunk and discussed Verne Troyer's sex tape in detail.
We also did some shopping in Little Tokyo. I finally found some eye balancers. Jesus, it's been so hard living with unbalanced eyes. These are going to really change my outlook.
I made another friend on the showfloor. (I think I'm handsomer)
Then I met Batman. THE Batman. Not the stupid lego one.
The Video Game History Museum this year and saw THE fucking nerd shirt that'll get you laid. In 1983 and 2014. Don't matter.
Also saw some cool Sonic art. I love the legs! He kinda looks like a weird worm. A cool weird worm, I mean.
Also saw the instruction manual for the Power Glove. The very complicated instruction manual for the Power Glove. Has a cool dude in shades explaining stuff, though. That'll make the info go down a little easier.
A cool guy who stands behind the TV and jacks off while telling you to about "sensing the zone."
Haha, remember when QBall dressed as Boy George? That was great!
EA's booth looked pretty nice.
Hey, I met a fellow Banana Man on the floor! There's not a lot of us, but we're growing every day.
This pretty much sums up Capcom's showings this year.
All in all, it was a bit of dud E3. Tons of indies, not a lot of AAA games of interest. I think we're still in the awful early stage of the new gen's lifecycle, so there ain't shit going on.
There's always next year!!!
Hey, I went Roswell, New Mexico and had a fucking laser blast! I got hammered, then went to the wacky downtown alien tourist area. And the best spot there is the mind-blowing "Alien Zone." Here's what I saw!
Just walking around you'll see lots of cute aliens everywhere. Like this gal.
Not many people know, but Uncle Sam actually came from outer space.
This was a window display outside the Alien Zone. Shows you right off, someone put some work in this.
This alien is only here for the beer! (according to his shirt)
They definitely have a good sense of humor about all this alien stuff in Roswell.
He's got a little blanky! Like baby Jesus!
Even before you get to the part you have to pay for, there were lots of interesting displays. I think this alien has writer's block. I totally understand.
Other displays were a little more slapdash.
The back area had a 50's style diner complete with tacky waitresses whose better days were behind them.
And an foosball table! As I mentioned in my last post, I think aliens have nice butts. Look at the tight little package on this guy. Not bad!
He had a better butt, and was a better player than me. Well, not really. He sort of just stood there.
Another satisfied customer at the Alien Zone cafe.
This guy looks kind of mad, actually. Maybe he's jealous of that other alien's butt right behind him.
Not all the aliens looked mad. Some were ready to partay!
This is the "Illegal Alien." It was recurring joke throughout the all the alien stores in town.
And now into the pay part of the Alien Zone! It was like 4 dollars or something super cheap. Many of the displays had an "Analysis" theme. This was the Fitness Analysis.
Here is the Alcoholic Analysis. I had myself analyzed. They said it's terminal.
This is the "Lapse Analysis" I think my friend on the right is having some kind of Lapse.
I'm not gonna brag and say I've sucked an alien dick, but I have. And you probably haven't.
It seems like these aliens came to earth just to chill.
I mean look at this mutherfucker. That is some hardcore chilling!
But not all was so happy at the Alien Zone. Some of these guys were undergoing some fucked up experiments.
One thing that stood out about this place was the attention to detail. The guy who made it, who is a preacher and musician according to the ladies at the front counter, really got into this. It's not a fast money grab, he put a lot time and effort in this place. And it's the little touches that make the difference, little touches like this syringe.
Back to the relaxin' aliens.
This guy was a little odd. Kinda touching himself in a Michael Stipes R.E.M. kinda way.
Alien goin' poo poo! I don't care who you are, or where you're from, that's funny.
Unfortunately, this photo does not give a sense of scale. This was about 6 feet across. It was big!
Although many of the displays were well put together, but the creator wasn't above a little haunted house scare, too.
Not really a cool picture, but it gives you an idea of how big the place was. This was separating two of the main three areas.
This was the middle room!
These flat guys were sweet! Especially the homemade tinfoil mask on the right one!
Can't go wrong with a head in a bottle!
Can't go wrong with a penis head alien!
Can't go wrong with evil pickles! Or can you...
Understandably, aliens have a hard time piloting Earth vehicles.
Aliens! Aliens! Aliens! Are you getting sick of aliens? Me neither!
This place was awesome! Like seriously, one of the best places I've ever been in my entire fucking life!
Look at this!
I believe the joke here is, "E.T. phone home." I do like his cool "homey" style.
There were aliens in every nook and cranny!
This was a chalkboard so people could draw on it. I drew buff E.T.
Don't know what this is. I think it's leftovers.
Radioactive space cockroach!
I think the guy who made the place sort of ran out of ideas here.
This was fucking cool! It was in the very back. It's a huge alien city! It glows in the black light, but you can't see it because of cameras and stuff. I couldn't really capture how cool it was, unfortunately. You'll have to go there to experience it!
I think this guy's seen better days.
Come for the alien with his guts hanging out...stay for the fun maze!
I think this guy's from Star Gate. He also looks like he's shooting the biggest load ever.
But that wasn't the only hot alien action in town, there were plenty of alien gift shops!
With incredible alien artifacts...like this shirt!
And there's like five of these shops downtown.
There were non-aliens shops too, this this weird Christian and rock collecting shop. We went in and it was as weird as it sounds. Lots of amazing rocks, some dinosaur fossils, and a bunch of Jesus stuff.
The last shop we went to was also nanners. The Space Center!
That's my alien friend who had the lapse earlier.
I don't know what the heck this is. Kinda looks like weird Alien Hitler. Wearing a funky space suit.
The Roswell Spacewalk? Dare I enter? Dare I? I dare!
There were some really cool displays in here. Definitely worth the 2 dollars!
This tin foil hat was not for sale. I asked.
This batshit insane UFO Marilyn Monroe book was though!
As was this damn crazy Hitler UFO book!
The people who live there know they ain't got much, but this UFO stuff and they run with it. They even put alien eyes on their streetlights downtown! He is watching you!!!
Hay, I recently went to Nude Mexico and had a fucking blast. One of the highlights of my trip was going to Roswell, New Mexico. Made famous by aliens landing there and fucking shit up. Since that's the town's only draw, they really play it up and have a whole bunch of alien shit everywhere. Including the amazing, and kind of serious, UFO Museum.
Parking is free! And they have this neato mural on the side. I don't know what the "g" means, though. My friend thinks it's a secret alien message.
Here's the outside of the museum. I guess this is the cowboy who found all dem aliens.
Inside the place was packed with hard evidence of the alien crash landing.
Including this artist's rendition of what the actual crash may have looked like.
And what an actual space alien may look like.
Haha, I'm kinda being a dick. The UFO museum is a great mixture of serious UFO and Alien theories and news stories, and cheesy alien shit. I will say, I was suprised by the more serious side of the museum, I really thought it would be one big joke. But it is not, it is half of one big joke.
And they the biggest UFO book library in America. All the books in here are about UFOs!
They also have Lost in Space on VHS.
BUT the most amazing thing about the museum, is the insane UFO magazine and zine collection they have! This whole room is crazy UFO magazines and crazier UFO zines!
To be honest, I'd like to go back to Roswell and stay a whole day in here reading this crazy shit. The United Aerial Phenomena Agency! hahahaha!
I mean, if stuff like this dosn't prove aliens exist, what the heck will?
Maybe this will help? The best part is the caption "Drawn by the Messenger"
I love UFO people. They are the crazy of the craziest. As demonstrated by this nutter's secret codes. And this is from a real zine. Some dude made this, paid to have it printed, then sent it out to other UFO nuts.
Of course, is wasn't all crazy person zines, there were more reputable UFO Magazines there too.
With hardhitting reporting, such as...
Someday, I'll go back and do a whole blog just about the library and zine room. Someday!
I guess, technically, Luke and Leia would be aliens.
Useful Strangs Shapes Seen in the Sky chart.
Speaking of strange things...there's a huge alien display right in the middle of the museum!
And some of these aliens, have pretty nice butts!
And cool faces!
And weird feet!
But the real magic, is when they come alive!!!!
Even famous movie stars like the beautiful and buxom Adrienne Barbeau believe!
Display showing what the famous alien auptopsy probably looked like.
Useful chart for sizing up aliens.
Aha! Now I get it!
Pretty sure 90% of the people who saw this read it as "Incident at Vagina" like I did.
Cant refute this!
A cloud happened to look like the arm of the mural out back. Coincidence?
Martian mandible versus Human mandible. Why isn't this on CNN? Where's Anderson Cooper?
Some of the alien depictions were better than others...
The museum was pretty big, actually. Here's a shot to show it's size.
I don't think this is the real flying saucer.
I do think this is a real cool look, though. For a human, or an alien.
Meanwhile, in back of the UFO museum, we found some actual UFOs! Except they weren't flying.
And that's the UFO Museum! Next up, the mind-destroying Alien Zone and other alien sightings in Roswell!