Donald Trump is the textbook example of an 80's cartoon villain. He has all the classic traits. He's arrogant, cruel, petty, vengeful, mean-looking, vain, greedy, incompetent, and a megalomaniac. But unlike 80's cartoon villains, he's not funny, because he's real and will be in the highest office of the most powerful country in the world. I don't think he'll be a good leader. In fact, I have chosen several famous 80's cartoon leaders that I genuinely believe would make a better President than him. In no particular order, here they are!
Venger -- Dungeons and Dragons
While sharing Donald's taste for authoritarian power, Venger was not an idiot. Far from it. In fact, he had full command of the English language and never uttered embarrassing sentences like, "I have the best words." He is also a very knowledgeable sorcerer and according to his wiki, knew about every single spell from the D&D RPG book. You have to have a lot of mental power to know so many spells and be able to use them at will. He also has a cool flying horse and only one horn, which adds an air of mystery to his appearance. Donald Trump don't look this cool. Not even close.
Eric Raymond -- Jem and the Holograms
Eric is also infinitely smarter than Trump and a better businessman. Unlike Donald, he is a shrewd CEO and runs a tight ship at Starlight Music. Trump has lost hundreds of millions of dollars in bad business deals, made a lifelong habit out of ripping people off, and has filed for bankruptcy multiple times. Eric has never been accused of any of those things. And his band The Misfits proved to be quite popular with the kids, although not as popular as that blasted Jem and the Holograms. Still, better than Trump, though.
Randy -- Pee-wee's Playhouse
Randy's a dick. No two ways about it. He's just as mean and petty as Donald Trump. A classic bully. His big move is to come down from the ceiling in Pee-wee's Playhouse, say or do something totally dickish for no reason, then bail. But there's one major difference between the two--Randy can say he's sorry AND mean it. Whereas Trump never apologizes, and if he is forced to, it's half-assed and insincere. Whenever Pee-wee confronts Randy and shows him why he shouldn't be mean, Randy learns a valuable lesson. Trump does not and can not learn valuable lessons. Mainly because his massive ego, or rather insecurities, can not allow him to admit he is wrong. Randy has my vote for 2020!
Dr. Claw -- Inspector Gadget
Dr. Claw is the head of a massive, well-run criminal organization bent on world control. He has seemingly unlimited resources at his disposal and uses it to try and defeat his nemesis the bumbling, but hilarious Inspector Gadget. Running a huge criminal empire and remaining completely anonymous is very difficult. Especially when your enemy has a seemingly unlimited array of technologically advanced gadgets at his disposal. Not to mention a brilliant human and dog assistant. Dr. Claw would make a better president because he's on the ball. It's tough running a huge criminal enterprise and Dr. Claw does it with ease. Donald's entire run was one fuck up after another. All the way to the finish line. And remember, Dr. Claw is a Doctor. You have a lot of education to become a doctor. Not only would Dr. Claw make a better president, his press conferences would be really great. All you'd see is that metal arm, the cat and hear his super cool evil voice.
Gargamel -- Smurfs
Gargamel is a very intelligent man. His knowledge of spells and the occult is second to none. And he has one thing the Trump utterly lacks: Focus. Trump is so unfocused and undisciplined, his own team had to take away his Twitter in the final days of his presidential run. He could not be trusted not to tweet stupid things that would hurt his chances. He also couldn't stay focused long enough to not lose his shit at a debate and embarrass himself. Whereas Gargamel has proven himself to be able to stay focused on any task, no matter how tedious or mundane, so long as there is a chance he might capture those dastardly Smurfs. We need a man like Gargamel in the oval office. Especially if any Smurf related problems arise in the next four years.
Duke Sigmund Igthorn -- Gummi Bears
Like Trump, Duke Igthorn has a bad temper and is prone to lashing out at his followers, which like Trump's followers are simple-minded ogres. But Igthorn is a competent commander and has proven himself to be a major threat to the Gummi Bears of Gummi Glen. Igthorn is very creative and has come up with numerous complex plans to get the secret of the Gummiberry Juice so he can have super human strength. Being able to come up with complex strategies and execute them is exactly what you need to be president. I don't think Trump thinks in complex terms. At all.
Saw Boss -- Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors
This guy would be a waaaaay better president than Trump. According to his Wiki, he has "an unlimited line of Saw troopers that have buzz saw blades that can cut everything." Does Trump have that? Hells, no! Oh, he doesn't look as scary as Trump either.
Hoggish Greedly -- Captain Planet
This guy wouldn't actually make a better president than Donald Trump because he basically is Donald Trump. A cowardly, greedy, cruel, incompetent bully. Does that sound like anyone you know? Mean and dumb, the classic villain combination. And repulsive to the core! Of all the numerous 80's cartoon villains I researched to write this blog, he fit best. Our president-elect, Hoggish Greedly. At least he made funny pork-based puns!
We're fucking dumb. Like cartoon dumb. Donald Trump had 10,000 foot tall bright red flashing letters over his head that said, "I WILL BE A TERRIBLE PRESIDENT" but he won. I get part of it was a "Fuck You" vote for the last 8 years. Well, as revenge goes, damn, that was incredible. Of course, you've cut off your own nose to spite your face and may well have condemned us all, but still impressive. But he'll put a bunch of crazy people of his staff, fuck everything up, drag the Republicans down with him and in 2-4 years Democrats will sweep back into power. If he doesn't destroy the world first!
Also, this might wake liberals up so they'll stop fighting each other. Living in echo chambers and thinking racism was defeated, they began turning on each other and finding racism everywhere. Absurd things like Katy Perry wearing a kimono, white people having dreads, and Taco Tuesday were deemed racist and horrible. Now an actual racist bully is in the Whitehouse. And he's already inspired other racists bullies to commit horrible acts. And it's just gonna get worse. Now, you're going to see REAL racism and maybe Katy Perry wearing a kimono wasn't that terrible after all.
In the end, the biggest joke of all is on Donald Trump. He's proven over and over that he can't take criticism, and he's going to become the most criticized person in the world. There will be nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. Of course, he's going to fuck it up royally, and you can see that by who's putting in his cabinet. There will be non-stop disasters and scandals for four years. And some of his followers will finally see that he's been a con man the whole time. He never had their best interests in mind for a second. Why would a greedy billionaire who lives in a golden tower care about the common man? He's made his fortune fucking the common man over. He'll go down in history as the worst president that ever lived, beating Nixon for the title. He'll be mocked, jeered, made fun of every day until he steps down. And after. And being president is a lot of hard work! Does he seem like someone who enjoys hard work? Ha!
Final point: He may well end the world. He certainly has the best chances of any president in my lifetime. Although blowing up the world sounds terrible, remember, if you don't blow up the world, the Planet of the Apes can't happen! And I think they deserve a chance to rule for awhile. They can't do much worse than us!
Hay, I went to NYCC and.....suprise--got drunk and took a bunch of crazy pics! BET YOU DIDN'T EXPECT THAT. It was a lot of fun actually, I like NYCC better than SDCC in many ways. Anywhoots, here they are!
I fuckin' love these guys! This is REAL cosplay. Not doing it for attention. Not doing it to look "hawt." Doing it, because they love these characters! This is what cosplay is really about. Also, I really want to see their kids!
Flapper Wonder Woman? Not sure what this was, but it was a cool costume.
If you haven't drunk a bunch of beer and walked around a comic convention, you haven't lived!
Black Tom Baker! I never see black Doctor Who cosplay. Well, the new shitty stuff, but not the classics. Epic!
Speaking of the epic...my double chin is coming in nicely!
There's something about this group that really wowed me. The costumes, the colors, the character choices, love it!
This sums up the state of nerdery quite nicely
I love rummaging through bins of busted toys. Especially when there are nekkid dolls! Whoowee, naked dolls!
Whoo-weee, nakkid dolls!
There's something about an overly buff Spiderman in a cheap costume that cracks me up.
Nerd love is the purest love of all. Nobody has a big ego to get in the way of their love for each other. I love nerd love.
Zombie Constable Cheeseburger!
I found a friend!
I may have had too much beer that night...
My con buddy this year was the Beast Rabban from Dune. He looks sooooo happy!
Based on this toy, it's hard to believe he's a vicious villain in the movie.
After drinking this, I had the same look on my face!
Whoever drew this panel is a genius.
If you ever go to a hotel, I suggest drawing a penis on the first page of the bible in the dresser. It'll be funny for the next person who reads it. And they'll never know it was you! (unless you foolishly blog about it)
I like when big corporations hire someone who doesn't know a goddamned thing about comics to come up with a comic book character. I mean, look at this guy?! How are you going to run around with a giant camera like that and not give yourself a black eye? Also, "SPEEEEED!!" isn't a sound effect!
I admire anyone who will dress up like the witches from Hocus Pocus.
I also admire this! A whole window of butts! Only in New York!
And while I'm admiring things, I admire a guy who'll dress up as Zartana! !looc os si tahT
I think this Charlie Brown was trying to draw the few hairs on the back of Charlie's head, but that looks like a vaginer. Good grief!
Madam Fatal! America's first cross-dressing crime fighter! I did not know this, but I asked the guy who he was and he gave me the scoop. A 1940's character published in "Crack Comics" that donned women's clothing and beat up crooks. I love everything about this! I asked him if anyone recognized him and he said no. I'll be on the lookout for more Madam Fatal cosplayers in the future!
George R.R. Martin! Looking great! A little thin, perhaps.
Random photo I took outside the con. I really like the color and crazy angles of everything.
The Shogun of Harlem! Sho 'Nuff!
The Constrictor from the Serpent Society! Fuck, yeah! One, I love Serpent Society, the name, theme, costumes and general snakery, and two, it's a rare cosplay choice! Almost Madam Fatal rare! Great job on the electric whip thingy, too!
I love that she's blocking the don't stop in the walkway sign. I also love the "please kill me" look on the dog's face. Ha!
Violet, you're turning violet! I was stoked when I saw this guy, he was stoked when he saw that I knew who he was. A real New York Comic Con moment!
Two of my favorite villains!
I have to give this girl credit, a roller derby Bowser costume is very clever!
Never thought I'd post a Star Wars character again, but Boba Fetish won me over.
I'll always post Zardoz cosplay pics! His expression is perfect!
Fuck, yah! Look at these two!
And these two!
Exactly how young is too young for Harly Quinn cosplay?
Girl Penguins are really cool. For some reason, that costume looks really neat on women.
Speaking of neat...a whole family of high-end Spider-Man cosplayers. With a smoke machine!
Another rare, but great cosplay choice--Solomon Grundy! I think I kinda scared this guy because I was so excited about his costume.
The painting from Ghostbusters 2! He had the facial expression down. Genius!
What the world needs now, is way more Twilight Zone cosplay.
Gender-flipped Two Face! Nicely done.
These dudes spent a lot of money on this cosplay. Top quality. How do you get stuff that shiny?
Planet of the Apes Dorothy! She's been on this blog before as Planet of the Apes Frodo with Planet of the Apes Gandalf. Damn, this is sexy!
I don't know what's happening here. Mutant Brony gone wrong?
This fucking Juggernaut! Hahahaha! Perfect!
The Wrecker! Complete with his legendary enchanted Wrecking Bar!
War Chief from The Warriors! I've seen a lot of guys in random Warriors' vests, but not the actual War Chief. Nice work!
Little Monsters starring Fred Savage and Howie Mandell. Man, this movie sucks. But I admire this cosplay.
Spot on Dr. Frank-N-Furter.
Gorilla Grodd and Captain Cold! I think I took this Grodd's pic last year. That is one hell of a costume.
It's really hard to do Ghost Rider's hair without setting yourself on fire. Not bad!
By this point, I was so drunk I was just wondering around asking everyone to pose with my con buddy.
Chair guy head from the Tick!
Anyway, people at cons are very happy to pose with wacky action figures. No one's ever said no, not even the queen!
Almost done here, btw! This X-Men group really had their shit together!
This Silver Surfer does not look safe for microwaves!
And that is NYCC!
See ya, next year!
Longtime readers of this blarg know I do that from time to time. But I haven't done it in a year! Haha! That's because I'm lazy. And I was a hobo for awhile. And other reasons. Anywhoots! Here are the comics I bought last year at NYCC!
I've had a couple nights in San Francisco that resembled this...
Can't remember how this is related to the plot. Or even if this is from the same comic. I don't know what's going on here!
Spider-Man and Frog-man! Against the White Rabbit!
I can't tell if she's hot or not. The body is hot I guess, but that rabbit face would look pretty weird eating my carrot. Cool umbrella weapon, though!
I don't think the comic industry sees fanboys in this humorous light anymore. Probably due to all the angry fanboy nerd rage on the internetz. To his credit, he's not looking at her giant knockers. And they're right there.
The Human Fly! The wildest super-hero because he's Real! I don't think he actually goes to theme parks and fights pimps with platform heels, though.
What a splash page! Ha! I have bought quite a few issues of The Human Fly in my day. Hilariously bad idea for a super hero. A fly! Like flies are scary or cool or strong. They eat shit! And the whole gimmick trying to make it seem like he's real cracks me up. I guess they did have a guy dress up like him fool dumb kids tho. Gotta love Stan Lee!
Pretty much sums up my dating life in one image.
Life is hard for super heroes, but super heroines have a whole different set of problems.
I like when they make super heroines use their powers for domestic chores.
This guy's wearing a miniskirt! A pretty cute one, too!
These dolls are really popular in Japan I think. The art for the ad is amazing.
Haha, just what are those kids doing with Snoopy?! Busted!
Haha! Your eyes won't believe what your hands have done!
Speaking of eyes--epic Dr Doom cover! Creepy floating evil eyes in space!
On the last page of this comic, you could say shit gets "pretty real."
Dope cover. I may have blogged this before. It has been so long since I've blogged comics, I forgot which ones were new!
Out of all the Super Heroes who had their own series, Power Man definitely had the wackiest rogues gallery. Mr. Fish!
I'm afraid people will laugh at you, Mr. Fish. Especially with a midget stuck to your leg!
This panel out of context would make a cool shirt.
Mr. Fish origin story! After turning into a man fish, he knew instinctively that things would never be the same again. Pretty good instincts!
This sums up everything that was terrible about comics in the 90s. It even has random unnecessary pouches. Which the 90s were full of. Yikes!
Herbie the Fat Fury! I feel like I've blogged this before.
Herbie is a humor comic that is about as far out as it gets. Dracula discovers pizza and loses his shit!
He had a great look, though! Can't argue with his costume!
Feast your eyes on this delicious Jack Kirby monster spread! Mind melter! You can click on it to make it bigger, too.
Nobody could get weird like Kirby. I guess that's why I love him so much. Aside from his genius art, he brought the crazy!
Look at this kooky character design!
Pretty real ad about the dangers of steroids! Death! And still, they used it to sell their shoes.
That's it! I still have my San Diego comics to post too! Hopefully, it'll be a little faster!
Odorcon is Otakon, an anime convention in Baltimore. I call it Odorcon because it's hot as the devil's nuts outside and many people end up stanky. Anyway, here were the cool things I saw.
I met an Urkle cosplayer! With Sonic! (Urkel voiced Sonic the Hedgehog cartoons forever)
I told this lady the end of her table looked like a butt. She didn't believe me, but then I showed her and then she agreed. I showed her!
Random stain where an otaku imploded.
Gorilla. Not from an anime, but just a gorilla. Which is cool, I really like gorillas.
This guy was clearly brandishing a weapon, but the cops weren't doing shit! Typical!
One of my favorite things about anime.
We had a lengthy discussion on short and long term strategies for beating the Soggies.
A very convincing Jake the Snake Roberts! This guy looks like he's smoked almost as much crack!
This is the famous "Ice Cold Water" guy. He stands outside of the con and sings about Ice Cold Water all day. His song is pretty catchy and gets stuck in my head for days. He's also pretty ripped!
Mohawk storm! Man, this was a cool look. And she nailed it!
Black Manta! I don't think I've ever seen a Black Manta cosplayer. Glad my first was soooooo good!
I've seen a lot of Scooby Doo cosplay groups, but this one was really good. That Shaggy is a natural.
I'm not a big Deadpool fan, but something about these Deadpool masks next to a Deadpool cosplayer looked funny.
Been seeing a lot of Flinstone cosplay lately, is it making a comeback?
I don't know what this is from, but it looks amazing. Huge computer boobs.
Parts of Baltimore are beautiful!
And that's it! Besides my friend's dog Jake is cuuuuuuute!
Like I always do. And drank beerz. And took photos of shit. And whatnot. And shit. And here they are!
I don't know what these fools were thinking. It's as if they've never watched a gay porno. This was in the airport, too!
My con outfit. Every year I go as a "casual superhero" with a two color scheme. This year it was blue and purple. Which was okay, but didn't really pop. Guess the colors were too close together. I'm not peeing here, btw.
This dude was cool. His name was Kirby, named after Jack Kirby. His dad and the King were friends, so he had lots of cool stories. He actually met him when he was a little kid. I'm jealous!
I don't know why more people don't cosplay as this. Willy Wonka looks like a cool candy pimp. Not the new stupid one, obviously.
Got a great con buddy this year! Constable Cheeseburger! He was very photogenic!
Musta dropped a pickle in there...
God I love his face...I could just eat it
Amazing Flash Gordon cosplay! She even had the easter egg football!
One of the best 90's SuperBoy's I've ever seen!
Nice touch on the boulder!
I don't know why I love this picture, but I do.
Wizards cosplay! With the weird thing they ride. Wutever that is! So stoked to see this!
This record blew my mind!!! H.R. Pufnstuf is already weird enough, but with Martha Raye and Mama Cass, too!!! What's going on?!
Amazing Michael Jackson cosplay!
There are America's Greatest Super Heroes! The Clown! Mr. Nutt! Johnny Boom Boom! I really wanted to buy this, but it wasn't cheap!
Spider-Man, hiding behind a disco sign. Like a spider. Or a man.
This was from a cool Star Trek art gallery. My friend said it looked like a bukake Spock. That kinda made me sad.
Andre the Giant!!!
Little Silver Surfer! How cute is this guy!
Covers like these are what keeps me buying comics. Laugh every time I look at it!
Timely! And clever!
This lady's card said she does birthday parties. Seriously!
One of my fav pics at the con. Little stormtrooper looking at a slightly larger statue of his own cosplay. That kid was boggled!
Sadly, Constable Cheeseburger's cheeseburger head came off and I lost it!!! I was so heartbroken. Then my friend bought me this! A new con buddy and a great beer holder!
Hocus Pocus cosplay! She wasn't brave enough to wear those super gross teeth Bette Midler wore.
It's horribly authentic!
I mean one of my Zine comics heroes! One of the creators of The Real Deal! The most violent fucked up comic I've ever read in my life. We used to read his crazy zines back in the day and it completely blew our minds. Just two dudes going through ghetto beating up and killing everyone. Crazy violent. Super un-PC and really, really funny. And Fantagraphics made a book!!! A nice book. I was so happy to see this guy, I probably embarrassed him a bit. If you get a chance to read his comic the Real Deal, do it! Here's his site http://www.realdealcomix.com/
Another one of art heroes! Michael "Blacklight" Bennett. This guy's art is amazing. It's kind of hard to describe. He used to be a storyboard artist for the Smurfs, but now draws in a Jack Kirby style. His drawings are chalk full of super heroes, Nazis, monsters, aliens, robots, big breasted women, cowboys, random pop culture stuff and other various things. Some make sense, like super heroes fighting. Others, like my favorite kind, are just a random scene, but seem to tell a story and make you wonder what the heck happened leading up to that moment in time. Anyway, I see him every year and he always remembers me. We're friends! Here's his site http://bennettblacklight.net/index.html.
Great Labyrinth group! They even have the owl!
This Silver Surfer's butt was nuts!!!
For reasons I can't explain, this pairing of Gimli and the Orion Slave Girl really made me happy!
Comic-Con takes place right by a marina. Which with the right lighting can be very beautiful.
The marina had a cool statue of a guy smelling his armpit.
This is my favorite pic of the show! This dude is stoked on his album! We had quite a time discussing it. Mr Tamberine Maaaaaaannnnn!!!!
Big beardy guy with a sleeveless Hulk shirt. I know this guy got laid!
Believe it or not, I'm a professional dork. They pay me to do panels and stuff. Here is the proof!
Special shoutout to all parents who dress their kids up as Chucky dolls! That's good parenting!
Laverne and Shirly!!! I almost died when I figured out what it was. RESPECT!!!
I hope the Justice League movie looks like this!
Chilling with my Con buddy
Then I saw this amazing Captain Cold! Look at the pose! He knew!
Then I met him on the show floor! We became Facebook friends. Technology!
My second favorite pic from the show. This pretty much sums up Comic-Con in nutshell.
Strange combo, but somehow works. Two are from slasher movies, and one is Slash. Expected to see Rob Zombie pop out of trashcan and start filming this shit.
Had to buy his namesake comic
Plot for the next Batman vs Superman movie.
This was on the last day and four straight days of drinking seem to hit me at once. So I just went around asking people to take pics with my con buddy. They really liked doing it.
Some really got into it.
I think the girl on the right wanted to steal it.
That toy was a lot of fun. I wish I would have found this Red Skull earlier. Look at his face!!!
I think I might actually bring this one back next year. He's so cute!
Believe it or not, I went BACK to the bar. And I met my drinking hero. He claimed to have dranken 200,000 beers in his life. We thought he was full of it, then we mathed it out. He has. He's been drinking 14+ beers a day for like 40 years or some thing. RESPECT!!!
Blorp! I went to some big anime convention and dranks alot and acked like an maroon.
Here are the pics!
Since this con is around July 4th, I always dress up like an "Average American." This is a pic that I like to call, "If Trump got elected."
And here's a great Snake Pliskin from the Escape From New York anime!
Here's a grown ass man with a doll on his shoulder. It is a pretty cool Star Trek doll, tho
Here's everything I like about cosplay in one photo.
This is Kamen Hentai! One of the great unsung heroes of Japanese culture!
This is an old lady. She really liked my costume and I liked hers. We bonded!
I was pretty drunk and then I took a small nap on the floor.
I woke up and ate a Pink Panther ice cream. I got really obsessed taking pictures of it.
As is my custom, I bought a little "con buddy" then took pictures with him. He's really cute!
What's that Beavis and Butthead sound effect? Boin-yoi-yoi-yoi-yoing? Or something?
This guy had an epic homemade Kirby shirt. He just taped it on! Genius!
His little legs make him stand at adorably odd angles.
Weird blobs! This anime con's got everything!
The real cola wars!
This is what makes America great!
This Cryptkeeper would be a really good Maitre D!
Or a drunk!
A very rare Sylvester McCoy Doctor Who!
One of the best Jokers I've ever seen. And after 15+ years of Comic-Con and many other cons, I've SEEN A LOT.
This guy was dope! He was cosplaying as an old Asian lady! If you're not from an area with lots of old Asian ladies, they wear these crazy full face shields to protect from the sun. My friends and I all 'em "blast shields."
And right before I left, I met another believer in freedom!
And another! Makes me so proud!
Or 2016! Or something! Anyway, I went there, dressed up like a wacky guy and took pictures of stuffed animals. The same thing I did last year. And the year before that...and...
The Rockstar booth was pretty banging this year.
Downtown L.A. has a lot of really cool ghost signs. If you're into that sort of thing. Which I am. Look at this hottie.
The toilet in our Japanese hotel has a pretty cool story about a little kid torturing a toilet.
E3 store had a bunch of cool things for sell like this pods of liquid E3. Bet that tastes good!
Gonna walk around naked in nothing but my E3 socks!
Probably the strangest thing there, which is saying a lot, was the E3 straw. What is the exact location to use this item?
I met a carrot!
some thumbs up thing
this pretty much sums up my feelings on VR
Speaking of VR, there was a porno VR booth at E3! And I don't know why a girl would put on lingerie and use VR. Aren't we supposed to put on VR and look at her? Also, you can't feel anything, just look at stuff.
The video was REALLY DIRTY, too! I thought it would just be nudie girl dancing around, but it started a Coney Island hot dog eating contest, if you know what I mean. I literally took it off and yelled, "This is dirty!" and told the demo guy he should be ashamed of himself.
After all that porn, I need to cool down with a giant bag of Doritos.
Pretty much the best Bison cosplayer I've ever seen. And I've seen a lot!
My con buddy was a flying Koopa from Mario. He ended up being a lot cuter than I thought he would.
Pondering the last onion ring.
Every E3 we go to the Yardhouse, which I call the Tardhouse. You can get a Yard of beer there! Drink a yard, become a tard! That's my big joke.
This was the coolest game at the show. Couldn't play it though, on the count of my crazy costume. Gotta dress up for this.
Sorry for so few pics, I'm like super busy with my job and life or something. It's really terrible. Never get a job, kids!
How fucking cute is this guy! Hollywood!