I was gonna move this blog to Wordpress because of Typepad's super annoying inability to recognize photos that are vertical. Every single vertical photo must be re-configured which is a multi-step process. Imagine the slowly building annoyance over the years of having to click stuff multiple times for every single vertical photo. It's fakking infuriating!
See this wacky picture of a headless skeleton I found under my desk? It loaded sideways and I had to open the image edit window to reconfigure it to end up being vertical. And Typepad does this on purpose! It's to annoy you over time into buying the next level blogging service which costs more money. It's one of my least favorite business practices, which tech companies seem to fucking love--annoy the user into spending more money. So I tried to move to Wordpress, but the blog is too big! And filled up their free service. The next cheapest one is $2.99, but it only has 6 gigs of space. I have no ideal-do how many gigs this blog is. But there are a lot of pictures on it!
See this picture of a bunch of gross stuff my friends and I drew for my buddy's bachelor party? Yeah, I had to click like 15 things to upload one photo!!! Fuck you, Typepad! I tried Tumblr, but that looks weird and I'd have to import the posts one by one which would take like 100 years. Perhaps Instagram? I dunno. I guess I'll stay here a little longer until I figure something out. If you have any suggestions, lemme know!
One of my many useless hobbies is getting drunk and taking pictures of toys. I took my Little Mermaid Christmas doll to the beach!
She is a beauty! Made for the beach!
Enjoying the cool winter rays!
So much fun!
Many people don't know, but at the end of the original Little Mermaid fairy tale, she did not get the prince. She died and became sea foam! Like this!
Some mermaids got it, some don't!
Bright young women...sick of swimin'
Someone else on the beach was getting into the Christmas spirit!
I think Marilyn Monroe did a very similar photo shoot.
But I don't think hers ended like this...(or maybe it did!)
But nothing a quick bath in the public restroom sink won't fix.
Followed by a warm blow dry from the hand dryer. Her tail made the most delightful "FWWWWPPPP"ing noise!
All cleaned up and ready for a night on the town!
She can drink a lot!
Then it's time for some drunken reflection...
Maybe take in some art...
Yep, she's trashed!
Haha! Anyway, it was quite a day and we had a lot of fun. Merry Christmas, y'all!
Dune's my favorite movie! And my favorite book! So people give me Dune toys and one of my favorites is my giant Sandworm. He's like 9 inches long! And super thick! Anyway, I got drunk, took him different places and took pictures. Here they are!
My Dune worm kinda has a drinking problem.
And by kinda, I mean totally...
I took him camping. BTW, it's harder than you think to get a dog to pose with a Dune worm.
Babies are no problem, tho
Did you know Dune worms can swim? They can't! Water is actually poisonous to them!
After "Duney," my nickname for him, gets drunk he kinda gets douchey.
Then he wants to sing! He's actually pretty good. Kinda has a Tom Waits gravely voice.
Then he got super high!
But eventually came down to earth.
Later that night...things got weird...
Although this is not a Sandworm's natural setting, Duney looks very photogenic here.
He also looks pretty photogenic here!
To a dog, there's probably not much difference between a stick and a Dune worm toy.
Howling at the moon.
Telling scary stories by the fire.
After the camping trip, I took Duney to the beach! Which is much closer to his natural habitat.
It looks just like the movie!
Again, don't try this with a real Sandworm. Duney is a specially trained worm that knows to avoid the water, which would kill him instantly.
Duney got drunk and demanded I took a picture of him pretending to eat this girl's butt.
He looks pretty good half buried in the sand.
Or majestically posing on a rock.
I know what you're thinking..."Is this real?!"
Then it all went to shit when he started drinking again.
Say what you will, but Duney's a looker! That's for sure!
Donald Trump is the textbook example of an 80's cartoon villain. He has all the classic traits. He's arrogant, cruel, petty, vengeful, mean-looking, vain, greedy, incompetent, and a megalomaniac. But unlike 80's cartoon villains, he's not funny, because he's real and will be in the highest office of the most powerful country in the world. I don't think he'll be a good leader. In fact, I have chosen several famous 80's cartoon leaders that I genuinely believe would make a better President than him. In no particular order, here they are!
Venger -- Dungeons and Dragons
While sharing Donald's taste for authoritarian power, Venger was not an idiot. Far from it. In fact, he had full command of the English language and never uttered embarrassing sentences like, "I have the best words." He is also a very knowledgeable sorcerer and according to his wiki, knew about every single spell from the D&D RPG book. You have to have a lot of mental power to know so many spells and be able to use them at will. He also has a cool flying horse and only one horn, which adds an air of mystery to his appearance. Donald Trump don't look this cool. Not even close.
Eric Raymond -- Jem and the Holograms
Eric is also infinitely smarter than Trump and a better businessman. Unlike Donald, he is a shrewd CEO and runs a tight ship at Starlight Music. Trump has lost hundreds of millions of dollars in bad business deals, made a lifelong habit out of ripping people off, and has filed for bankruptcy multiple times. Eric has never been accused of any of those things. And his band The Misfits proved to be quite popular with the kids, although not as popular as that blasted Jem and the Holograms. Still, better than Trump, though.
Randy -- Pee-wee's Playhouse
Randy's a dick. No two ways about it. He's just as mean and petty as Donald Trump. A classic bully. His big move is to come down from the ceiling in Pee-wee's Playhouse, say or do something totally dickish for no reason, then bail. But there's one major difference between the two--Randy can say he's sorry AND mean it. Whereas Trump never apologizes, and if he is forced to, it's half-assed and insincere. Whenever Pee-wee confronts Randy and shows him why he shouldn't be mean, Randy learns a valuable lesson. Trump does not and can not learn valuable lessons. Mainly because his massive ego, or rather insecurities, can not allow him to admit he is wrong. Randy has my vote for 2020!
Dr. Claw -- Inspector Gadget
Dr. Claw is the head of a massive, well-run criminal organization bent on world control. He has seemingly unlimited resources at his disposal and uses it to try and defeat his nemesis the bumbling, but hilarious Inspector Gadget. Running a huge criminal empire and remaining completely anonymous is very difficult. Especially when your enemy has a seemingly unlimited array of technologically advanced gadgets at his disposal. Not to mention a brilliant human and dog assistant. Dr. Claw would make a better president because he's on the ball. It's tough running a huge criminal enterprise and Dr. Claw does it with ease. Donald's entire run was one fuck up after another. All the way to the finish line. And remember, Dr. Claw is a Doctor. You have a lot of education to become a doctor. Not only would Dr. Claw make a better president, his press conferences would be really great. All you'd see is that metal arm, the cat and hear his super cool evil voice.
Gargamel -- Smurfs
Gargamel is a very intelligent man. His knowledge of spells and the occult is second to none. And he has one thing the Trump utterly lacks: Focus. Trump is so unfocused and undisciplined, his own team had to take away his Twitter in the final days of his presidential run. He could not be trusted not to tweet stupid things that would hurt his chances. He also couldn't stay focused long enough to not lose his shit at a debate and embarrass himself. Whereas Gargamel has proven himself to be able to stay focused on any task, no matter how tedious or mundane, so long as there is a chance he might capture those dastardly Smurfs. We need a man like Gargamel in the oval office. Especially if any Smurf related problems arise in the next four years.
Duke Sigmund Igthorn -- Gummi Bears
Like Trump, Duke Igthorn has a bad temper and is prone to lashing out at his followers, which like Trump's followers are simple-minded ogres. But Igthorn is a competent commander and has proven himself to be a major threat to the Gummi Bears of Gummi Glen. Igthorn is very creative and has come up with numerous complex plans to get the secret of the Gummiberry Juice so he can have super human strength. Being able to come up with complex strategies and execute them is exactly what you need to be president. I don't think Trump thinks in complex terms. At all.
Saw Boss -- Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors
This guy would be a waaaaay better president than Trump. According to his Wiki, he has "an unlimited line of Saw troopers that have buzz saw blades that can cut everything." Does Trump have that? Hells, no! Oh, he doesn't look as scary as Trump either.
Hoggish Greedly -- Captain Planet
This guy wouldn't actually make a better president than Donald Trump because he basically is Donald Trump. A cowardly, greedy, cruel, incompetent bully. Does that sound like anyone you know? Mean and dumb, the classic villain combination. And repulsive to the core! Of all the numerous 80's cartoon villains I researched to write this blog, he fit best. Our president-elect, Hoggish Greedly. At least he made funny pork-based puns!
We're fucking dumb. Like cartoon dumb. Donald Trump had 10,000 foot tall bright red flashing letters over his head that said, "I WILL BE A TERRIBLE PRESIDENT" but he won. I get part of it was a "Fuck You" vote for the last 8 years. Well, as revenge goes, damn, that was incredible. Of course, you've cut off your own nose to spite your face and may well have condemned us all, but still impressive. But he'll put a bunch of crazy people of his staff, fuck everything up, drag the Republicans down with him and in 2-4 years Democrats will sweep back into power. If he doesn't destroy the world first!
Also, this might wake liberals up so they'll stop fighting each other. Living in echo chambers and thinking racism was defeated, they began turning on each other and finding racism everywhere. Absurd things like Katy Perry wearing a kimono, white people having dreads, and Taco Tuesday were deemed racist and horrible. Now an actual racist bully is in the Whitehouse. And he's already inspired other racists bullies to commit horrible acts. And it's just gonna get worse. Now, you're going to see REAL racism and maybe Katy Perry wearing a kimono wasn't that terrible after all.
In the end, the biggest joke of all is on Donald Trump. He's proven over and over that he can't take criticism, and he's going to become the most criticized person in the world. There will be nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. Of course, he's going to fuck it up royally, and you can see that by who's putting in his cabinet. There will be non-stop disasters and scandals for four years. And some of his followers will finally see that he's been a con man the whole time. He never had their best interests in mind for a second. Why would a greedy billionaire who lives in a golden tower care about the common man? He's made his fortune fucking the common man over. He'll go down in history as the worst president that ever lived, beating Nixon for the title. He'll be mocked, jeered, made fun of every day until he steps down. And after. And being president is a lot of hard work! Does he seem like someone who enjoys hard work? Ha!
Final point: He may well end the world. He certainly has the best chances of any president in my lifetime. Although blowing up the world sounds terrible, remember, if you don't blow up the world, the Planet of the Apes can't happen! And I think they deserve a chance to rule for awhile. They can't do much worse than us!
Hay, I went to NYCC and.....suprise--got drunk and took a bunch of crazy pics! BET YOU DIDN'T EXPECT THAT. It was a lot of fun actually, I like NYCC better than SDCC in many ways. Anywhoots, here they are!
I fuckin' love these guys! This is REAL cosplay. Not doing it for attention. Not doing it to look "hawt." Doing it, because they love these characters! This is what cosplay is really about. Also, I really want to see their kids!
Flapper Wonder Woman? Not sure what this was, but it was a cool costume.
If you haven't drunk a bunch of beer and walked around a comic convention, you haven't lived!
Black Tom Baker! I never see black Doctor Who cosplay. Well, the new shitty stuff, but not the classics. Epic!
Speaking of the epic...my double chin is coming in nicely!
There's something about this group that really wowed me. The costumes, the colors, the character choices, love it!
This sums up the state of nerdery quite nicely
I love rummaging through bins of busted toys. Especially when there are nekkid dolls! Whoowee, naked dolls!
Whoo-weee, nakkid dolls!
There's something about an overly buff Spiderman in a cheap costume that cracks me up.
Nerd love is the purest love of all. Nobody has a big ego to get in the way of their love for each other. I love nerd love.
Zombie Constable Cheeseburger!
I found a friend!
I may have had too much beer that night...
My con buddy this year was the Beast Rabban from Dune. He looks sooooo happy!
Based on this toy, it's hard to believe he's a vicious villain in the movie.
After drinking this, I had the same look on my face!
Whoever drew this panel is a genius.
If you ever go to a hotel, I suggest drawing a penis on the first page of the bible in the dresser. It'll be funny for the next person who reads it. And they'll never know it was you! (unless you foolishly blog about it)
I like when big corporations hire someone who doesn't know a goddamned thing about comics to come up with a comic book character. I mean, look at this guy?! How are you going to run around with a giant camera like that and not give yourself a black eye? Also, "SPEEEEED!!" isn't a sound effect!
I admire anyone who will dress up like the witches from Hocus Pocus.
I also admire this! A whole window of butts! Only in New York!
And while I'm admiring things, I admire a guy who'll dress up as Zartana! !looc os si tahT
I think this Charlie Brown was trying to draw the few hairs on the back of Charlie's head, but that looks like a vaginer. Good grief!
Madam Fatal! America's first cross-dressing crime fighter! I did not know this, but I asked the guy who he was and he gave me the scoop. A 1940's character published in "Crack Comics" that donned women's clothing and beat up crooks. I love everything about this! I asked him if anyone recognized him and he said no. I'll be on the lookout for more Madam Fatal cosplayers in the future!
George R.R. Martin! Looking great! A little thin, perhaps.
Random photo I took outside the con. I really like the color and crazy angles of everything.
The Shogun of Harlem! Sho 'Nuff!
The Constrictor from the Serpent Society! Fuck, yeah! One, I love Serpent Society, the name, theme, costumes and general snakery, and two, it's a rare cosplay choice! Almost Madam Fatal rare! Great job on the electric whip thingy, too!
I love that she's blocking the don't stop in the walkway sign. I also love the "please kill me" look on the dog's face. Ha!
Violet, you're turning violet! I was stoked when I saw this guy, he was stoked when he saw that I knew who he was. A real New York Comic Con moment!
Two of my favorite villains!
I have to give this girl credit, a roller derby Bowser costume is very clever!
Never thought I'd post a Star Wars character again, but Boba Fetish won me over.
I'll always post Zardoz cosplay pics! His expression is perfect!
Fuck, yah! Look at these two!
And these two!
Exactly how young is too young for Harly Quinn cosplay?
Girl Penguins are really cool. For some reason, that costume looks really neat on women.
Speaking of neat...a whole family of high-end Spider-Man cosplayers. With a smoke machine!
Another rare, but great cosplay choice--Solomon Grundy! I think I kinda scared this guy because I was so excited about his costume.
The painting from Ghostbusters 2! He had the facial expression down. Genius!
What the world needs now, is way more Twilight Zone cosplay.
Gender-flipped Two Face! Nicely done.
These dudes spent a lot of money on this cosplay. Top quality. How do you get stuff that shiny?
Planet of the Apes Dorothy! She's been on this blog before as Planet of the Apes Frodo with Planet of the Apes Gandalf. Damn, this is sexy!
I don't know what's happening here. Mutant Brony gone wrong?
This fucking Juggernaut! Hahahaha! Perfect!
The Wrecker! Complete with his legendary enchanted Wrecking Bar!
War Chief from The Warriors! I've seen a lot of guys in random Warriors' vests, but not the actual War Chief. Nice work!
Little Monsters starring Fred Savage and Howie Mandell. Man, this movie sucks. But I admire this cosplay.
Spot on Dr. Frank-N-Furter.
Gorilla Grodd and Captain Cold! I think I took this Grodd's pic last year. That is one hell of a costume.
It's really hard to do Ghost Rider's hair without setting yourself on fire. Not bad!
By this point, I was so drunk I was just wondering around asking everyone to pose with my con buddy.
Chair guy head from the Tick!
Anyway, people at cons are very happy to pose with wacky action figures. No one's ever said no, not even the queen!
Almost done here, btw! This X-Men group really had their shit together!
This Silver Surfer does not look safe for microwaves!
And that is NYCC!
See ya, next year!
Longtime readers of this blarg know I do that from time to time. But I haven't done it in a year! Haha! That's because I'm lazy. And I was a hobo for awhile. And other reasons. Anywhoots! Here are the comics I bought last year at NYCC!
I've had a couple nights in San Francisco that resembled this...
Can't remember how this is related to the plot. Or even if this is from the same comic. I don't know what's going on here!
Spider-Man and Frog-man! Against the White Rabbit!
I can't tell if she's hot or not. The body is hot I guess, but that rabbit face would look pretty weird eating my carrot. Cool umbrella weapon, though!
I don't think the comic industry sees fanboys in this humorous light anymore. Probably due to all the angry fanboy nerd rage on the internetz. To his credit, he's not looking at her giant knockers. And they're right there.
The Human Fly! The wildest super-hero because he's Real! I don't think he actually goes to theme parks and fights pimps with platform heels, though.
What a splash page! Ha! I have bought quite a few issues of The Human Fly in my day. Hilariously bad idea for a super hero. A fly! Like flies are scary or cool or strong. They eat shit! And the whole gimmick trying to make it seem like he's real cracks me up. I guess they did have a guy dress up like him fool dumb kids tho. Gotta love Stan Lee!
Pretty much sums up my dating life in one image.
Life is hard for super heroes, but super heroines have a whole different set of problems.
I like when they make super heroines use their powers for domestic chores.
This guy's wearing a miniskirt! A pretty cute one, too!
These dolls are really popular in Japan I think. The art for the ad is amazing.
Haha, just what are those kids doing with Snoopy?! Busted!
Haha! Your eyes won't believe what your hands have done!
Speaking of eyes--epic Dr Doom cover! Creepy floating evil eyes in space!
On the last page of this comic, you could say shit gets "pretty real."
Dope cover. I may have blogged this before. It has been so long since I've blogged comics, I forgot which ones were new!
Out of all the Super Heroes who had their own series, Power Man definitely had the wackiest rogues gallery. Mr. Fish!
I'm afraid people will laugh at you, Mr. Fish. Especially with a midget stuck to your leg!
This panel out of context would make a cool shirt.
Mr. Fish origin story! After turning into a man fish, he knew instinctively that things would never be the same again. Pretty good instincts!
This sums up everything that was terrible about comics in the 90s. It even has random unnecessary pouches. Which the 90s were full of. Yikes!
Herbie the Fat Fury! I feel like I've blogged this before.
Herbie is a humor comic that is about as far out as it gets. Dracula discovers pizza and loses his shit!
He had a great look, though! Can't argue with his costume!
Feast your eyes on this delicious Jack Kirby monster spread! Mind melter! You can click on it to make it bigger, too.
Nobody could get weird like Kirby. I guess that's why I love him so much. Aside from his genius art, he brought the crazy!
Look at this kooky character design!
Pretty real ad about the dangers of steroids! Death! And still, they used it to sell their shoes.
That's it! I still have my San Diego comics to post too! Hopefully, it'll be a little faster!